Month: August 2016

Do you know?

I was screeching this.

I was unwinding my insides.

 

I feel like a wild animal.

Scratching and marking and hunting.

If you ask me to behave,

I most likely will not.

 

I’m not afraid to lay open.

I’m unafraid to bleed out.

If you are afraid of my smooth skin

and my loud voice

then go away.

When I became this way

was when the grass in the meadow spoke

When it told me

I was home

That’s when I became earth

and started to smell of it

Your touch sets me on fire

In all the bad ways

I’m my ghost

I’m my sacred, wet, woman self

I’m making all the music

 

When I say, I’m dying

When I died

When I say I’m dying

every day

after almost everything I feel

and hear

and say

That’s when I realize

I’m alive.

And I want to lick it

I want to lick it

And wear it

And smell it

I wanna go in broken

And feel it

I won’t stop easy.

so I read “you are at the end of your rope”

and “fear looks; faith jumps”

it threw me into a dither

the drum and rattle

the monsters on the mantel

the good kind house on the land

I am dying

I love only rain today

The word Vanish is my friend

Vanish

Vanish

I am only going to write what I want

I envision black strips of fabric used as binding

Loosely wound mummy style

Woven between

Skin and

Bones and

left

unknotted

I notice the everything in it

I notice the stifling

pressure

And the stench

And ignorance

I wait for sleep

And I ask to be carried there

I ask to be lifted and carried there

I imagine Spirit holds my hand

And waits with me

Unable to do anything

But make Its presence known

and I think very quietly that suffering together

may work

my heart beats like a

trapped and dying animal

like a re-opened wound

or soft fresh scab

it aches with truth

trying to escape

looking for a fruitful branch

a wise old tree

or mothering

my heart bleeds itself open

dripping small red dots

that smell like

the frozen biting wind

it pulsates raw knowing

splatterings of shut valves

plugged ducts

a brokenness

only some know

my heart carries me

it reminds me

it hears me

and it sees me

in a dark way

full and red and bursting

3/17/16

the water was what i needed

i won’t tell you what i loved